You are not your thoughts!
The reason for your being in this world is to be connected. Connected to ourselves, another person, community, nature or spiritual energy.
Before we entered this world, we were connected. At the very least we were connected to our mothers and at most we were connected to a spiritual force that many of us cannot understand and many others call G-D. When we emerged into the world, the connection was ruptured, there was a breaking of the vessels.
Take a moment to think about some of the more successful companies today. Google, Skype, Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat. They are all companies that help us to connect and they are free. We crave this and that is why they are successful.
It’s difficult to heal the connection when we are slaves to our headspace. My wish for you is to transcend your external nature and let go of your false identity.
Over the course of our lives, we create a narrative about ourselves, our story becomes our ego. It is up to us to differentiate what parts of our story are opinion and what parts are fact. For example. I cannot run a successful business. Is this fact or opinion? My partner deserves better than me. Is this fact or opinion? I can’t cook. Is that a fact or opinion?
All of us have a voice in our heads and sadly quite often the voice is critical of our looks and actions. This negative self-talk can be harmful and prevent us from moving towards our goals whether it be in our career, relationships, education or other. They prevent us from our purpose to connect.
You can choose to believe your thoughts or disregard them. This is not easy to do as we are attached to our thoughts because we made them up. We start to believe that they are a part of us and that maybe it is our subconscious seeping through to our consciousness. I am here to tell you that it is not.
How can you quiet the negative talk?
I have three tactics to share with you today.
- Acknowledge your thoughts or feelings (I am a failure)
- Counteract negative talk with positive affirmations (I am going to work hard and be successful)
- Breathe and refocus your energy (Take a moment to connect to your breath and channel your energy into your work)
Acknowledging your feeling seems easy but is also surface level and to make lasting change you need scratch beneath; and I have an exercise for that.
- Be mindful of your feeling and define the feeling (I am a failure. I feel defeated because I didn’t close the deal)
- What is the object of the feeling? (The deal)
- How certain are you about your belief about the object of your feeling? (I am not certain that this deal defines my ability to be a success in my job)
- Reframe your belief to correspond with reality (I am upset that the deal did not close but I am capable of continuing with my work)
- Act upon the reframing. Respond authentically. (I am going to find other deals to complete)
Positive affirmations can often be a powerful weapon to overcome self-sabotaging negative talk; which we have just learned is a fabricated story that we tell ourselves. Just as potent as negative thoughts are, positive ones are too. Positive affirmations can reprogram our thoughts so that we act differently. Below is how to write a positive affirmation.
- What areas or behaviors would you like to change?
- Are they aligned to your authentic self. Meaning, are they compatible with your core values?
- Write them in the present tense
- Say it with feeling and repeat them when necessary.
Negative talk can be very stressful and breathing can help quiet your mind by refocusing your energy on breathing. Breathing techniques are very effective and can be done anywhere at anytime. The technique that I enjoy the most is diaphragmatic breathing.
This mindful breathing exercise will encourage you to shift your focus from your thoughts to your body and create a connection with yourself.
- Lie on your back with your knees bent
- Draw your attention to your current breathing pattern. Is it shallow or deep? Does your breath come from your nose or your mouth.
- Put you one hand under your rib cage and the other one on your chest and close your mouth.
- Breathe deep in through your nose for 4 counts and let your belly fill with air like a balloon.
- Let your breath out though pursed lips, exhaling all the way out as though you would if you were sighing
- Repeat until your feel re-centered.
Sending you light and connection.